The Big "Two-Oh"

I turned 20 on Sunday. I am now officially the oldest resident of our apartment and plan on making that known on a daily basis...heh heh. Don't you remember being eight years old and bragging about your age to those even a week younger than you? Come on, you totally did it.

No, but really, I am very excited to have finally entered my third decade of life. 20 is a much larger number than 19 when one's age is being discussed. 19 years old gets you the look of, "Oh, really? You're a lot younger than I thought" or "You must not know how to handle yourself, being a teenager and all". I'm tired of it. Holy cow.

I live a very grown up life, thank you very much. I'm up at 6:30 am most days. I sit in lecture halls for a full-time job, but since that's not enough, I dress casually business-like and answer phone calls from distressed BYU students in the afternoons too. I pay for my rent, my food and my gas...among other things. I feel like the things that run through my mind are pretty grown-up too. Since when have I thought so much about my future? Sure, I watch the German news and practice my grammar every day, but really becoming a German teacher? I wear my apron in the kitchen, eat my daily vegetables and pray with the members of my apartment, but actually being a wife, mother, and homemaker? Oh man.

I feel like every time I write a blog post, its main premise by the end is much different from my beginning intentions. I just realized that I'm trying to fake being an adult. I go through the actions every day, but really, all I think about is escaping responsibility. Does this feeling ever change? Do those I see as adults really view themselves as such? Or do they feel as inadequate in this world as I do?

Perhaps life is all about plunging into the uncomfortable and scary "adult world" and all the while still feeling like a child, still being overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. It helps me to look back and see how far I've come. I've conquered my fears of riding without training wheels, diving into the deep end and braving the freeway on the driving exam.What perfect metaphors for the obstacles we overcome in our lives every day. What perfect boosts to our levels of confidence.

I can honestly say that I'm proud of what my twenty years have made me become--I can't wait to see what's in store for my twenty-first.