The windows are flung wide, my legs are dry. I am dressed in soccer clothes--they take me back, they are me at the center--because I can be. No heeled soles today. Saturdays I am not defined by a nametag, by the trying-to-sound-official voice on the other end, as the girl who screwed up the meal card numbers. I am not frantic, I am not late, I am not lacking.
I am instead a healed soul. I am all here. Explanation is unnecessary, its idea still boggling.
What I know: Heavenly Father provides. He will prove me in the midst of turmoil. I will prove myself.
I feel the loyalty of the middle cushion, its symbol to me overwhelming. I am surrounded by no physical beings, but spiritually am lifted up by many hands.
refresh.
my journal reminds me in blocks. [I am two pages from its final punctuation mark]. A handwritten letter signed "Love you always, Katie" is spread neatly to my left, its tape attachment still left in the top middle. On my right is a STACK--as I must have them--of words: Holy Bible, steps to chicken corn chowder, The Book of Mormon, my swirly black and white spiral, Writing Down the Bones. One, two, three, four, five.
We make five. Five separates don't match up, but then again, we've never seen ourselves that way.
Katie held my hand and I let her. Kaylie sat sideways in her seat with clear, listening eyes. Brooke yelled approval when I turned "Let it Be" all the way up. Kendra bounded up the stairs just to hug me. Andy sent me a text: I am not the best listener at times, but I really try. I care about you a lot and I hope that if you need something I am always here. I think you are wonderful. Lyndsi Shae decided on a new adjective: beautiful. Aimee smeared frosting on cream cheese-filled cupcakes and then just sat and talked and listened.
I am a blessed soul--blessed in that I have in my life such spirits as these.
"thou shalt give heed unto all his words and commandments which he shall give unto you as he receiveth them,
walking in all holiness before me.
for his word ye shall receive, as if from mine own mouth,
in all patience and faith.
for by doing these things the gates of hell shall not prevail against you;
yea, and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you,
and cause the heavens to shake for your good and
his name's glory."
D&C 21: 4-6
3 comments:
Thank you, Claire, for your words and for sharing that scripture this morning. I needed to hear it more than you can ever know.
Mmmmmmm. This is lovely. We are a lucky bunch!
I loved your heeled sole wordplay ;)
i love being mentioned. i do feel so lucky and priviledged to have you in my life. i need more claire.
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