To Breathe.

I stand in my kitchen, constantly stirring my Cook & Serve chocolate pudding, laptop upon the counter, just thinkin. I have become grateful for the time it takes me to fix food. I don't feel guilty if I'm preparing necessary nutrients. It's mandatory, eating...even if it is chocolate pudding.

I had a daylong thought process today. I'm relaying it back to myself now. I will give no preface to the randomness. Follow it if you want. Don't if you don't.

I have had many terrifying fits of tightened lungs, as if the strongest fist had them clenched in a most unforgiving grip. It sometimes keeps me up at night. It pulled me from the soccer field far too many times. It is an easy way out if I want one. But mostly, it's annoying. And uncomfortable.

Oh, woe is me: the pitiful asthmatic.

That's not my point.

There are other things that take my breath away too--other much more enjoyable things.

My stomach leapt with exhilaration as I stood my ground against the wind today. It pummeled my face with floury snow, desperately trying to hinder my path. My eyes released a few tears, not able to withstand the bite. My hair stuck to my lips. But my lungs took quick, short breaths. Wind. Thrill. In my book, they're synonymous.

Climb, climb, climb up to the highest rock. I peer over the side at the glassy water and my stomach starts its churning. My superego begins its safety lecture, its common sense lecture, its "keep your feet on the ground where they belong" lecture. But the outside voices are louder. JUMP! they say. I do. And there goes my breath.

A figure lurks behind the corner, the violinists bow faster, didn't she hear that creak? The light from the television pulses in the dark room and my eyes peer between the slits in my fingers. I don't know why I put myself through movies like this. Oh yeah. It's that catch in my breath when the heroine turns the corner and...!!!!!!!!!

There are those friends of mine who I don't see very often. There are those friends who I'm with everyday. There are a few from both of these groups who excite me so much with their presence, that sometimes I don't inhale for a few seconds.

And then there are those green eyes I know. He has to remind me or else I actually forget.

To Breathe.